ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
