I can't watch pbs sober anymore
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
