I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
a search helicopter?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
