we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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