he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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