She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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