How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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