I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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