So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
