the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
