He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
