But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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