Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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