Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
