He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
