He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
