I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
