Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
