did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
