It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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