My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
