Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
