you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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