I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My bed smells like the plague
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize