I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize