they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
