she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
