I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
