i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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