Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
