I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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