Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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