I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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