he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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