Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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