those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
