i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
