Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
