yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was born a porn star she said
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
