After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
