Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
