dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
