my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
