ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
