dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
