I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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