hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize