OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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