I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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