i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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