He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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