I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
