you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
