Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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