My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
