You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
