well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
