Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
