yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
