took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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