I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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