He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
