he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize