she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
