god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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