Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
