tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
