someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
