I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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