Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bring money and cleavage
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
