Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pants are for mortals
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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